Posts Tagged ‘Kalaai’

Guhados Periyappa

April 24, 2011 18 comments

It was a pleasant evening in Besant Nagar beach. Vignesh had come from Bangalore and Me, Vignesh and Senthil were lazily walking in the beach after a full kattu at Mash. Talking intellectually about the matters boys usually speak. Starting from Politics touching a little bit of cinema and ending at Figures in each of our offices. It was all going well until i got this message from an unknown number. Initially i wasn’t suspicious and I really thought it was a wrong message. But the language in the message made me a little suspicious. I thought maybe some friend of mine is so vetti on a Saturday Evening and wanted to play a game with me. All right. I decided to jump in. But was still a little too skeptical and thought there is 90% chance that it was actually a wrong message. Anyways i replied.

At this point i wasn’t expecting a reply incase it was actually a wrong message. Or was expecting some rage reply from the guy 🙂 . Anything but certainly not this.

Ha. Now i was sure that it was one of my friends. If the ‘Hoy‘ and ‘AthimberIyer Bashai wasn’t enough, the name Priya was a big let down. It is the most commonest name in Tamil Girldom. ‘Idiot cant even think of a better name’ i thought to myself. I was fully into the mood by this time. We discussed among us and came into conclusion for the next reply. Then it went….

The next reply was a lame one. We were puzzled. We were thinking of the remote possibility that it might actually be some Iyer Aathu Priya. Then we came back to our senses. ‘Evano namma kooda vilayadran’ ‘Vida koodathu‘.

We were ROFLMAO ing by now. Whoever is doing this must be very good in timing i thought. We were 99% sure that it was a prank. Coz

1. Nobody talks like that on messages

2. If at all it is a girl, she should have figured that i am not her athimber by now with the crap I am talking

3. Who changes number when they go to trichy?

So i was thinking of sending a strong brahmastra to bring the guy to his knees. Then i sent …Okay.. I was a little freaked out now seeing that reply. No one can be this lame. And i dont have time for pranks. So i called the number. I was expecting a ‘Machi‘ or a group of guys laughing or even a ‘Unakku Piriya kekkutha, Piriya‘ … But it was a GIRL who said Hello and then it went ‘Aaan, Sollunga Athimber‘. It.was.a.GIRLLL.

I had no idea what to do. I was yelling hello, hello just to find out whether it was still a prank and if the girl started laughing. Nothing happened. I thought she would figure out from my voice that i am not her athimber. That didnt happen either. She was repeating the same thing. *Beeep* . There.. I hung up. And Vignesh and Senthil were laughing uncontrollably looking at my facial expression. Many things such as Police, Cyber Crime, Eve Teasing were running in my head. Then i thought ‘Thoo, ithu sappa matter da. Not worth eve teasing‘ . Now my 99 % of Prank call chance went to below 1 %. Okay one last message i thought and sent.

That is the funniest sms conversation i’ve ever had in my life. I can never forget Priya, her athimber who strangely has the same mobile number as me and most importantly Guhados Periyappa who went on a tour to trichy with someone to visit Perumaal.


Men will be Men

May 24, 2010 24 comments

Arun: Dei, got your joining letter la ? July 30. Chennai thane ?

Kanagu: Ya Ya. Athe than. Shew, atleast we are in the same branch.

Arun: Ya da. College a ye kalakkina maari , office a yum kalakkanum.

Kanagu: Enna kalakkalo. Neeyavathu color colora program llam poduva. Enakku therinja ore program ‘Hello World’ thane

Arun: Dei, athellam mattere illa da. And did you check out that orkut community of our new joinee batch.

Kanagu: Kanna, orkut llam school pasanga use panrathu. I am currently only on Facebook, Twitter, Buzz you know.

Arun: Adangu da. But paravala girls use panrathu Orkut thaane. Twitterla high levela irukkarthellam onnu PSBB, illa MOP. Seri, I checked the community. Believe me, Egapatta figures da. Perellam paathale ponnu azhaga irukkumnu thonuthu.

Kanagu: Athaane paathen. I thought you went to the community to gather info about training and all. And appadi ennada pera paatha.

Arun: Archana Nair, Sulaba Malhotra, Kamini Iyer nnu ennanennavo perunga machi. Ithanaila onnu rendu koodava nalla irukkathu?

Kanagu: Kaalam bathil sollum da . Badhil Sollum. But I have a doubt. 14 years of Coed School, 4 years of Engg coll life, ithula correct pannatha ponnaya ippo correct panna pora ?

Arun: Ha Ha. I was expecting you would ask this question. You see, school la college lla llam girls will be bound by many restrictions da. When you start working, you earn.. So ponnungellam independent a think panna aarambichiduvaanga. And that is our big advantage. So, office la aal pudikkarthu Can-Can.

Kanagu: Huh. The one thing I like about you is the way you justify your inability to get a girl with some high school nonsense. Ennavo machi kudiyum kudithanamuma aana santhosham thaan.

Arun: Hmmm, you still seem skeptical. Machi ill tell you what is waiting for us in office. In case you have a good looking girl in your team or in the neighboring team, chances of you and her talking alone are very high.

For instance you’ll have tasks to be done together, you both will meet in the elevator like a million times, you’ll have lots of team lunches, team building crap sessions, outing, late night works close to deadlines, cab drops incase of those late night works, a thousand official phone calls out of which a few can be turned personal and moreover she’ll have doubts which you may solve and vice versa too. Ippo sollu machi, ivlo vaippu kudutha nee goal poda maata ?

Kanagu: Yappa ! Dei naan mattum goal pottennu vechikoyen unakku treat machi.

[ One year later]

Kanagu: Dei I was transferring data from my old phone to new. Look what I found. It is a phone conversation we had about an year ago. Appo etho thonichennu record pannen. Inikku kaalaila fulla atha kettu semma sirippu.

Arun: Dei we had lots of conversations. Which one ?

Kanagu:  [pressin play button in the phone] This one.

For instance you’ll have tasks to be done together, you both will….

Arun: HA HA.

Kanagu: Eppadiyellam emanthirukkom. Naama pesina antha stereo type azhagaana ponnukku already 6 adi oyarathula, semma bodyoda, sekka sevelnu oru boyfriend iruppanra mattera naama yosikkave illala.

Arun: Vidra Vidra. Trisha kedaikkalenna Divya. 2nd floor la, delivery team kku pudhusa vanthirukkara  fresher group la oru ponnu takkara irukkan. Patchi sollichu. Unakku than antha team antha Anand a  theriyumla, va va va va. Seekaram va.

Men will be men.

10 things you can never miss while driving on a Chennai Road

February 18, 2010 15 comments

Lets start this post with an important message . Chennai is the greatest city in the world . It has anything and everything one would ever wish for. It has beaches with small stalls for lovers to ‘rest’ when the sun is scorching, great theaters with Rs.10 tickets, hang out spots which are totally cost less, plazas meant exclusively for samosa eating and window shopping, good schools, Imba Colleges and so on . But the most fascinating thing about Chennai is its roads . Roads are fascinating, taking in account the things which happen daily in them. After driving in Chennai i can surely say any biker can drive in any city across the world . You kinda develop a 7th Sense , which draws green color graphs before your eyes every time you look on the road . Which tells you which way is that Kezhavi standing in the middle of the road, gonna cross . Keeping all this mind , well what are the 10 most common things you can find in any Chennai road?

1.‘Talk to my hand’ telekinesis practitioners

These are the set of people who just cross the road keeping a hand in the buddha palm position, looking away from you. Their extreme telekinesis power combined with the buddha palm technique learnt from Stephen Chow makes it possible to stop the high-flying Chennai traffic to kneel down in front of them .

2. Clairvoyant Private Company Bus Drivers

Private company bus drivers are all trained in mind reading . Driving that big-ass vehicle itself is an art after all but still they read the minds of everyone who follow them. You move right, he moves right. You move left, he moves left . When you finally find a gap and decide to overtake him, his brain cell controlled steering wheel automatically turns in a pendulum motion so as to scare you off .

3. Venusian Women

These are women who just landed from Venus . They can be seen driving a pink scooty pep or spark wearing a peculiar gloves which was bought back in Venus. The gloves cover the whole hand right from the fingers to the bicep area . A trendy helmet which covers half of the head can be spotted too . It’s not their fault as their skin is highly reactive to direct sunlight which makes this space suit mandatory.

4. Busy Board of Directors

CPH or The number of calls per hour ratio is very high in case of this category people. The headset connected to the phone serves dual purpose of hearing high volume death metal music and attending calls from other Board of Directors thereby giving them a complete isolation from the material unimportant things happening in the road .

5. Einstein Mechanics

Einstein Mechanics are a group of people who defy the laws of physics and travel in speeds nearing the speed of light. They also have remodeled Yamaha bikes which emit noises in the Threshold of Pain level . More than half of their population comprises of Mechanics who sit away from the centre of gravity of the seat just like our friend ‘Murugan’ in Kaadhal . Hence the name .

6. Share auto Samurais

They are deadly assassins trained highly in controlling the speed of the vehicle. Bugatti Veyron may give 0-60 in just 2.5 secs but when it comes to 60-30 and 30-60 back again these guys are the best in the world. Thanks to the Reflex Action training certification from the FBI, they can immediately stop and start when they smell a potential customer.

7. Members of the Mobile Meditation Squad

Meditating while driving requires high expertise and should not be tried out by General Public . The members in this squad are usually seen driving M80 or a TVS XL Super on ECR and OMR. Maximum speeds reach 40 kmph and are seen to be driving 90% of the time in the centre of the road. Don’t let their looks fool you . They maybe wearing teal coloured half helmets from the 90’s but still can you meditate while you drive?

8. Greenpeace sanctioned Water Lorries

People may refer them as Yamavaahana or Killing machines or whatever but Metro Water Lorry Drivers are really VIP members of the Greenpeace Org. They take very good care of the water resource and make sure that not a single drop of water is wasted on the road. The watertight containers from James Cameron’s Titanic Set ensures the water wastage is kept at a check.

9. Lovers at the 2.4578th  Base

Divine Love or ‘Theiveegal Kaadhal’ knows no bounds . They are actually highly trained professionals who travel in bike with almost a vacuum formed between their bodies. And what else , they can easily reach 2.4578th base while driving a bike in a road as public as Pamela Anderson. Call it Juggling Skills or Motor Skills these guys are true pros.

10. ‘Pico’ Car Owners.

Forget about the nano , the pico is here.  Much smaller and cheaper version of the nano which looks EXACTLY the same as any bike but can hold upto 4 people. All those years in Gemini circus made them masters in balancing acts . A trained man can drive his pico with himself, his plump wife who weighs >80 kgs , his two children who are now in 8th and 6th standard respectively.

Ending on a great note about a page i saw in facebook , ” I`m From Chennai. That Automatically Makes Me Ten Times Cooler Than You !”