I work as a Proctor at the Resident Safety Office in my university. So my job is go sit in dorms and swipe people in when they enter. Sounds very Interesting right ? Ya, like a few other jobs around we are not allowed to sleep during work and while working in Halls where there are very few people coming in, it gets really boring. For how many hours will you keep staring at your laptop seeing movies sitting in a chair with no one around to talk (Oh, actually i do that a lot). Anyways there is one other class of working people in the university who fall under our category. Their work is more complicated and cant be done sitting in a chair and probably it pays them a lot more than our job. They’re Janitors.
Janitors are Proctor’s friends. Whenever they come in for cleaning, they usually chat with us for some time. Tell about their day and all. They’re very friendly people as they are not Americans 90% of the time. Mostly Mexicans and sometimes Asians. I’ve talked with a few Mexican Janitors and they’re all very friendly. They talk about how they came to the US, how they survive here and all interesting stuff. Not as interesting as the talk i had today.
I was just sitting around in a Proctor Station as usual sighting undergrad girls and a Janitor walked into my station. He was Asian and must be in his early 50’s. He smiled at me and asked “You, Mumbai?” . I told i come from Chennai which is also in India. He immediately figured it out as South India. Intelligent, i thought. He told he was from Taiwan. Hell i know nothing about Taiwan. Then as we spoke he told that he came here 20 years back and he has two kids, a boy and a girl. He also told that, his kids don’t speak Chinese fluently as they grew up here. The most important part of the conversation happened when he took out a newspaper cutting from his pocket and showed it to me. He asked me how to dial 6 digit phone numbers pointing at a number in the paper.
“Women Seeking Men: I am a 27 year old Busty Blonde who is craving for old men. I am looking for successful, funny elder men …..bla..bla..bla” . I was shocked seeing that. “Saagapora vayasula ithellam thevaya unakku” said my mind voice. Then he asked me whether AT&T will charge him if he called such a number from his cell phone. I tried to tell him that i had no idea but he was a man who doesn’t take no as an answer. So finally i told him that AT&T would charge him and its not toll free and all. I’ll tell the rest of the conversation in Direct Speech.
Jan: “How much will AT&T charge for call”
Me:” I dunno maybe a dollar for three minutes?”
Jan: “Oh, too costly , too costly”
Jan:”How you know the cost? Haann Aannn [Smiling like a madman]”
Me: “Eheheh. Ehehehe”
He then asked me again whether this call can be done through a cell phone. I told him to give it a try. He then reached into his pocket and took out an iPhone 4. Okka Makka.
Jan: “I international Text Taiwan. Mail, News useful. You have iPhone?”
Me: “No i have Samsung. Android”
Jan: “Samsung no good. iPhone better”
I told to myself that i am not having this debate again. Not with him. Then he suddenly opened a picture of a girl and told something about it. It was a good looking asian girl and i really couldnt understand what he was talking. I thought it might be his daughter.
Jan: “Exam put marks. 40 Fail, 50 Pass. How many you put for this girl?”
Many thoughts were going around my mind. “Ivan idhathaan side business a pannuvano” “Oru vela unmayave ithu avan ponna thaan irukkumo” “Kudumbame ippadi irukkumo”
Jan: “Ha ha nice nice. Indian Women very beautiful. Nose Nose. Sharp and good”
Me: “Oh ya. Definitely better than Chinese”
While we were talking, a boy and girl entered the building and they were kissing in the lobby. Looking at them Janitor asked
Jan: “So you have girlfriend here or India? ”
I should have told None of the above, but ya he didnt give that choice. So India i told.
Jan: “India, bad bad. So you cant . You cant. [Making familiar hand gesture of a specific sexual position made famous by the canine species]
Me: ” Ehehehehe Eheheheh. I cant. I cant”
Jan: “Go to India soon. Ha ha ha . See you”
Me: “Sureee. Nice talking to you too”
Most interestingly awkward conversation ever.