Home > Englipees > This is probably why I won’t get a girlfriend

This is probably why I won’t get a girlfriend

This is probably why I won’t get a girlfriend. I am terrible in choosing dresses and often take hours to take a simple tshirt. So girl friend is definitely gonna be a big frickin deal. But off late I started to realize the fact that I have very vehhhry high standards for a girlfriend.

Let’s not talk about the usual stuff like ‘Should look beautiful’ ‘Sensible, loving, caring’ and non-specialized generic crap. It’s already there in the list. Top of the list truth be told. But apart from this there are many other things. I want her to know movies. About 90% understanding of the ‘Inception’. I want her to know what IMDB means. Who Eric Bana is. Who Grace Kelly is. What is Vijay’s next movie. Who is directing Billa 2. I want her to know Music. Not just Michael Jackson and the Backstreet Boys. Certainly not Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber either. I want her to know TV. I want her to know about Charlie Sheen. I want her to know that he is staying with ‘goddesses’ now. I want her to know technology. What changed in iPad2. Who the hell are Sergey Brin and Larry Page. I want her to know Games. About the latest version of Call of Duty. About the Kinect and the Move. I want her to have a twitter account. Not the ones with just one tweet sayin ‘Hello World’. I want her to have her own photo in her Facebook page. Not Surya/Jothika or Perfectly photographed American Babies and Japanese Dogs. I want her to know her way around the web. About xkcd, Internet Memes.  I want her to have a blog. I want her to write. Be it anything. Be it nonsensical daily dairy stuff or the effect of global warming on Dolphin population. I want her to know what’s happening in the world. Who Assange is. What happened in Egypt and Libya. Most importantly I want her to know what’s happening in India. About the 2G Scam. About Radia, Raja and Kalmadi. About local matters. No. of Seats given to Gaptun. About TRs Kural TV Webcasts and Suppress, Oppress, Depress.

This doesn’t mean that I want her to cut her hair short and wear only Shirts/Pants all the time and ‘dude’ all the guys around with a Vinu Chakravarthy voice. I want her to do girly stuff. I want her to say ‘cute’ while looking at stray puppies. I want her to type messages in the phone with the dictionary off. I can live with the occasional ‘ma’ for ‘my’ and ‘lyf’ for ‘life’. Strictly occasional. I want her to speak in English when she gets angry. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want her to speak tamil. I want her to speak tamil primarily. I want her to know the meaning of swear words in tamil. I want her to read atleast Vikatan and Kumudham if not Ponniyin Selvan and Kolayudhir Kaalam. I want her to have a lot of friends. Definitely a few guy friends. I want her to have an opinion. Certainly not on Everything. But for the things that matter. And I want her opinion to differ from mine. Not always, but more often.

Reading the post now makes me certain of one thing. This girl is hypothetical. Not Real. Even if she exists, 1000 Rupees say that she is already taken. So why all this polambal? Doesn’t this break the universal law of love which states that love shouldn’t come by seeing any material things? Kandathum Kaadhal, Blind love and all. Maybe Yes. Maybe this is too much to look for in a girl, maybe this is too less. Maybe these are not at all the things to look in a girl.  But still, these are the optimal conditions. Best Case Scenarios. It’s totally fine if few of these are missing in her. Seriously, If she satisfies everything in the list then what the hell am I for? What will we talk about if she already knew everything that I am possibly gonna talk about? No guy wants to date his own feminine self.

I like to finish off by telling about a friend of mine who applies to LBS every even Semester. He just applies to LBS every 2 semesters. Just for the fact that if at all some college should reject him it must be a Gethu one. Maybe I am doing that. Setting the bar high so that I can whine about the bar being high and not about my inability to vault over it. Like giving myself an ‘Intha Pazham pulikkum’ sort of an explanation. So what can you do now? If you reading this and you are a girl who seem to have most of the aforementioned deeds: “Hi, I am Pradep. I Studied at CEG. Currently in TCS. DM me @pradepkumar. Maybe we’ll have a Cup of Coffee over the weekend?” Or, If you happen to know a girl who falls under these categories you know how to reach me.

P.S: The idea of this post was originally taken from this one. It’s a good one, read it too. And No, the post was not written when I was high.


Categories: Englipees Tags: , , ,
  1. March 9, 2011 at 1:56 am

    Machi, you are now ready for marriage 😛

    “No guy wants to date his own feminine self.” – Stronga nee etha thaan ethir paakara nu nenaikaren 😛

    And good that you are citing your sources 😛

    Good luck on finding this hypo girl da 😛 Hopefully when you meet her, she will still be available 😛

    Also, about time you blogged again!

    • March 9, 2011 at 9:54 am

      Ready for Marriage a ? Ennada Solra? Citing Sources. I always do that. PhD padikkarthunaala source llellam kuriya irukka polirukku 😛 And your comment came just few minutes after i published the post. Nanbenda!

  2. Saran Raj
    March 9, 2011 at 2:25 am

    Nice to read your blog after a long time!!!
    Best of “LUCK”… 🙂

    • March 9, 2011 at 9:56 am

      Monna naaye. Athenna “LUCK”. Nakkala. Glad to see you are still reading my posts. 🙂

  3. madthanu
    March 9, 2011 at 3:58 am

    Someone should tweet Chinmayi about this post…

    • March 9, 2011 at 9:58 am

      Ithaan. Ithaan un kitta enakku romba pudicha vishayame. Ellar maariyum pechoda niruthidaama, action la erangara paathiya. Mass da nee. Okay, email me her phone number once you get it. Don’t put it out in public. Lots of porukki pasanga around 😀

      • madthanu
        March 9, 2011 at 9:38 pm

        Just realized she actually knows what an IP address means. Sorry, won’t send you the phone number.

  4. Suji
    March 9, 2011 at 4:03 am

    Pradep: After reading half through, you said what I wanted to comment . You can find feminine version of yourself a lot easier than your “real” girl! and Good luck dude finding your mate. BTW did any chance you got the spark by talking to Thanu? Just curious, not damaging thanu 😛

    • March 9, 2011 at 10:00 am

      Nandri Suji. And Thanu payapulla vera ithe maari list vechi thaan thedittu irukkana. Thappache.

  5. March 9, 2011 at 5:51 am

    well i can give u just one advice.. a quote from borat movie.. “if you chase a dream, especially one with ******* ******, you may miss the real beauty in front of your eyes”

    • March 9, 2011 at 10:02 am

      Dei Dei when are you gonna start talking without asterisks da!

      • March 9, 2011 at 11:58 am

        quote andha maari machi.. cant help it..

  6. Sivaguru
    March 9, 2011 at 6:36 am

    Brilliant Machi! Dont worry if she is already taken, Keep trying 😛 You never had she shouldn’t be already committed in your list, right?

    @Jegan….”If you have a dream, you must protect it” :P. This is a a quote from another movie and I know you absolutely love that movie too.

    • March 9, 2011 at 10:04 am

      Valid point da. Let us add the point that she must have already fallen in love once and should have broke up, just to give a filmy touch 😀

    • March 9, 2011 at 12:00 pm

      damn! pursuit of happiness! u nailed me!

  7. Senthil
    March 9, 2011 at 7:52 am

    it was fun. would have been infinitely funny if sri and i read it together! we would have come up with version 2 of this post 😛

    (remaining on chat :P)

    • March 9, 2011 at 10:33 am

      Hmmm. I am already sure what will be there in 2nd Version. 😀 Sri i guess is busy nowadays. Lets see what he comments.

  8. Kannapiran Thirunarayanan
    March 9, 2011 at 8:27 am

    otha… if I know a “girl” like that.. then how the hell do u think I will ever let u contact her without me “correcting” her first…

    I’d say, get down and “do the dance alone with no pants”…

    And maybe u can teach IMDB to someone…

    • March 9, 2011 at 10:37 am

      Dance with No Pants. ‘Bang’alore has gotten in to your mind too deep man. Come back to reality 😀 And no talking about IMDB here. Shush 😀

  9. Ashok Kumar
    March 9, 2011 at 9:48 am

    No you are not going to find her, this hypothetical girl. But you will find a girl. A girl much different from your expectations. A girl who can make you smile. Whom you will make laugh. And you two will be a loving couple, and none of this will be the thing that connects you two. It will be beyond all these. And then, you will realize that you just love her. Just plain Love and nothing else.

    • March 9, 2011 at 11:55 am

      Machi ennada en pheelings oda un pheelings romba jaasthiya irukku. Pullarikka vechitta da. Enna nadakkuthunnu paapom. Ill keep you posted. 🙂

  10. March 9, 2011 at 10:04 am

    @kanna – he mentioned guys like me 😦 committed, so we are prohibited from dating other ‘Dream girls’ !
    @Ashok – it was a joke. He is not damn serious in looking for a girl. Someone is already waiting for him.
    @ pradep – machi, girls criteria number 1 : Ajith mathiri, surya mathiri, karthick mathiri color a handsome a irukanum. Yarume, murali mathiri, parthiban mathiri karupa irukanumnu keka matanga. So, kandipa un dream girl una dream la kuda paka mata.

    I was about to advise,
    ‘Leave the girls pool. Go to a gay bar, u are likely to find a much better partner than u expected’ – Nee ushara enaku femine self venamnu potute.

    Nice post. Original one was very nice, but missed the ‘GLAMOUR’ touch !

    • March 9, 2011 at 12:03 pm

      How many days are you whine about you being committed da. Mavane enga ellarayum kaduppethariya? Oru Gay reference illama unnala comment e panna mudiyaatha da. Karumam. And glamour touch llam pochu da. Thirumbi kondu vara muyarchi panren. 😀

  11. March 9, 2011 at 10:36 am

    Stud Stud Stud post. 😀

  12. madthanu
    March 9, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    • March 9, 2011 at 10:34 pm

      Ha ha . Dei Anna University is in the list da! And meesa vechirukkanum, color a irukka koodathu! This is gr8 😛 Looks like we still have a chance in Kalyaana Market machi 😀 And how did you find this da. There’s no specific title to the Video even.

      • vigneshraja
        March 10, 2011 at 11:34 am

        confidence machi confidence

  13. Abdullah
    March 10, 2011 at 10:39 am

    Dei… Pradeppu… Ithellaam note panra note panra… 🙂

    • Abdullah
      March 10, 2011 at 10:52 am

      I meant the video… But, nicely written da. 🙂

  14. Bhalakumaran Moorthy
    March 10, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Just as an after thought.. Did u realise that an ideal girl might have some equally impossible expectations from a guy ? 😉 Just saying!

    • March 11, 2011 at 12:03 am

      Ya. I thought of it while writing the post half way. Then left it off saying that if she has expectations, she can blog about it too 😛

  15. April 13, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    The problem is so many girls are ready to get married to you and there are so many girls stalking you! To shoo them away,you have put such a post! Dunno how many such girls are now crying hysterically reading this post! 😦

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