Archive

Archive for March, 2011

Birth of a Signal Jumper

March 25, 2011 10 comments

I have never jumped a traffic signal before. Not sure why i haven’t tried it but still I have always felt that jumping a signal is sheer ignorance coz it cant be more simple. Red – Stop , Amber – Wait, Green – Go. I have paid fines a couple times for overspeeding and lane changing. But still no signal jumps. I am not saying that i am Mahatma on a Motor bike. But seriously i have stood in front of angry 21G Drivers who honk at you irrespective of  Red/Green Signal. I have ignored the ‘saavugrakki’ scolding of Auto Drivers who are supposedly exempted from all possible traffic rules. I have even got the ‘stare’ sometimes from 40 year old auntys on Scootys who jump a signal. NOT ANYMORE.

I started early from office today. 6:30. Its Friday i was happy and wasnt in a hasty mood at all. So i was driving at a less than regular speed at the OMR , the road on which my office is located. There wasnt much traffic and everything was smooth until a Police Constable blocked me and waved me to the side. I had just crossed a signal and was driving at 30 kmph max. So i wasnt sure why i was stopped at the first place. After all the usual licence, RC Book, Insurance Drama  the constable told SIGNAL JUMP. I was and am 200 % confident that i saw green lights before passing. I tried to tell the same to the SI and he told “Engalallam paatha unakku kena paya maari theriyutha”. He wrote two receipts from two booklets and asked me to sign. The fine was Rs.300. After fighting for 10 mins, After knowing that nothing can be done,  i gave the money and drove off. There, this is what happened. But there are certain things which heavily disturb me from this incident.

1. The constables always catch the people who seem to slow down after they wave at you. There were a couple of guys driving alongside me who raced off seeing the police. He didnt even turn back or make any steps to stop the speeding guys.

2. In the short 15 mins for which i was standing there i noted one thing. THEY CATCH TWO GUYS FOR EVERY SIGNAL CHANGE. Every time the signal drops off they try to stop the last 5 bikes irrespective whether they come clean or jump the signal. Out of which they succeed in stopping 2-3 bikes.

3. The signal in OMR in which i was caught, drops once in 90 seconds. i.e Green stays for 90 secs and changes to Red which also stays for 90 seconds. In that case they catch 2 guys every 180 seconds. 300 X 2 = 600 for every 3 mins. Just calculate the collection for 1 hour.

4. All this crap happens only after 25th of a month. Is the traffic police paid to work only after 25th ? I have not seen a single cop in OMR for the past 20 days. They seem to spawn after 25th. Checkposts, Speed Guns, Patrol. All after 25th.

5. When i looked at the people who were standing beside me to pay fine, i saw all IT guys. Yes, OMR is the IT corridor. But still bunch of guys with visible ID cards on the belt and a black liviya bag on the shoulder is definitely disturbing. Two fellows who paid before didnt even ask a thing! 300. No questions asked.

6. The Best part of this whole series is what i realized after coming home. Lets look at the receipts i got.

 

There’s no official seal or any name of any department, anything at all in the first sheet! I have heard before that Police have been accused of printing their own receipt books, this may be it. Thats okay, the main thing is the set of offences listed in the back of the sheet. Lookie look. Signal Violation. U/s 177. Rs.50!!! Dei entha oor gnayam da ithu. Cheating mela Cheating.

Look at the next receipt, he seems to have scribbled an offense code on it. On careful examination i found out that he had wrote U/s 183(2) Whattay genius. Thats the code for overspeeding and yes it costs Rs.300! So its all pre planned. Catch a bunch of guys on an evening. Get extra money. Kick start the new month with a celebration ?

All right this is the result of my ignorance. Let this 300 be an investment. Now that i know the fines and their cheap tactics I am going to do one thing. JUMP EVERY SIGNAL POSSIBLE. Mostly jump the same signal and try to get caught by the same set of clowns. Wait till he writes everything and show this list of offences and fines to him. Or even better, jump the signal, speed off and flip the constable.  Traffic Police will keep preying on the people who obey rules as they are the most vulnerable group of them all. This should be stopped. At whatever expense.

A Signal Jumper is born.

 

This is probably why I won’t get a girlfriend

March 9, 2011 34 comments

This is probably why I won’t get a girlfriend. I am terrible in choosing dresses and often take hours to take a simple tshirt. So girl friend is definitely gonna be a big frickin deal. But off late I started to realize the fact that I have very vehhhry high standards for a girlfriend.

Let’s not talk about the usual stuff like ‘Should look beautiful’ ‘Sensible, loving, caring’ and non-specialized generic crap. It’s already there in the list. Top of the list truth be told. But apart from this there are many other things. I want her to know movies. About 90% understanding of the ‘Inception’. I want her to know what IMDB means. Who Eric Bana is. Who Grace Kelly is. What is Vijay’s next movie. Who is directing Billa 2. I want her to know Music. Not just Michael Jackson and the Backstreet Boys. Certainly not Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber either. I want her to know TV. I want her to know about Charlie Sheen. I want her to know that he is staying with ‘goddesses’ now. I want her to know technology. What changed in iPad2. Who the hell are Sergey Brin and Larry Page. I want her to know Games. About the latest version of Call of Duty. About the Kinect and the Move. I want her to have a twitter account. Not the ones with just one tweet sayin ‘Hello World’. I want her to have her own photo in her Facebook page. Not Surya/Jothika or Perfectly photographed American Babies and Japanese Dogs. I want her to know her way around the web. About xkcd, Internet Memes.  I want her to have a blog. I want her to write. Be it anything. Be it nonsensical daily dairy stuff or the effect of global warming on Dolphin population. I want her to know what’s happening in the world. Who Assange is. What happened in Egypt and Libya. Most importantly I want her to know what’s happening in India. About the 2G Scam. About Radia, Raja and Kalmadi. About local matters. No. of Seats given to Gaptun. About TRs Kural TV Webcasts and Suppress, Oppress, Depress.

This doesn’t mean that I want her to cut her hair short and wear only Shirts/Pants all the time and ‘dude’ all the guys around with a Vinu Chakravarthy voice. I want her to do girly stuff. I want her to say ‘cute’ while looking at stray puppies. I want her to type messages in the phone with the dictionary off. I can live with the occasional ‘ma’ for ‘my’ and ‘lyf’ for ‘life’. Strictly occasional. I want her to speak in English when she gets angry. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want her to speak tamil. I want her to speak tamil primarily. I want her to know the meaning of swear words in tamil. I want her to read atleast Vikatan and Kumudham if not Ponniyin Selvan and Kolayudhir Kaalam. I want her to have a lot of friends. Definitely a few guy friends. I want her to have an opinion. Certainly not on Everything. But for the things that matter. And I want her opinion to differ from mine. Not always, but more often.

Reading the post now makes me certain of one thing. This girl is hypothetical. Not Real. Even if she exists, 1000 Rupees say that she is already taken. So why all this polambal? Doesn’t this break the universal law of love which states that love shouldn’t come by seeing any material things? Kandathum Kaadhal, Blind love and all. Maybe Yes. Maybe this is too much to look for in a girl, maybe this is too less. Maybe these are not at all the things to look in a girl.  But still, these are the optimal conditions. Best Case Scenarios. It’s totally fine if few of these are missing in her. Seriously, If she satisfies everything in the list then what the hell am I for? What will we talk about if she already knew everything that I am possibly gonna talk about? No guy wants to date his own feminine self.

I like to finish off by telling about a friend of mine who applies to LBS every even Semester. He just applies to LBS every 2 semesters. Just for the fact that if at all some college should reject him it must be a Gethu one. Maybe I am doing that. Setting the bar high so that I can whine about the bar being high and not about my inability to vault over it. Like giving myself an ‘Intha Pazham pulikkum’ sort of an explanation. So what can you do now? If you reading this and you are a girl who seem to have most of the aforementioned deeds: “Hi, I am Pradep. I Studied at CEG. Currently in TCS. DM me @pradepkumar. Maybe we’ll have a Cup of Coffee over the weekend?” Or, If you happen to know a girl who falls under these categories you know how to reach me.

P.S: The idea of this post was originally taken from this one. It’s a good one, read it too. And No, the post was not written when I was high.

 

Categories: Englipees Tags: , , ,