Archive for February, 2010

10 things you can never miss while driving on a Chennai Road

February 18, 2010 15 comments

Lets start this post with an important message . Chennai is the greatest city in the world . It has anything and everything one would ever wish for. It has beaches with small stalls for lovers to ‘rest’ when the sun is scorching, great theaters with Rs.10 tickets, hang out spots which are totally cost less, plazas meant exclusively for samosa eating and window shopping, good schools, Imba Colleges and so on . But the most fascinating thing about Chennai is its roads . Roads are fascinating, taking in account the things which happen daily in them. After driving in Chennai i can surely say any biker can drive in any city across the world . You kinda develop a 7th Sense , which draws green color graphs before your eyes every time you look on the road . Which tells you which way is that Kezhavi standing in the middle of the road, gonna cross . Keeping all this mind , well what are the 10 most common things you can find in any Chennai road?

1.‘Talk to my hand’ telekinesis practitioners

These are the set of people who just cross the road keeping a hand in the buddha palm position, looking away from you. Their extreme telekinesis power combined with the buddha palm technique learnt from Stephen Chow makes it possible to stop the high-flying Chennai traffic to kneel down in front of them .

2. Clairvoyant Private Company Bus Drivers

Private company bus drivers are all trained in mind reading . Driving that big-ass vehicle itself is an art after all but still they read the minds of everyone who follow them. You move right, he moves right. You move left, he moves left . When you finally find a gap and decide to overtake him, his brain cell controlled steering wheel automatically turns in a pendulum motion so as to scare you off .

3. Venusian Women

These are women who just landed from Venus . They can be seen driving a pink scooty pep or spark wearing a peculiar gloves which was bought back in Venus. The gloves cover the whole hand right from the fingers to the bicep area . A trendy helmet which covers half of the head can be spotted too . It’s not their fault as their skin is highly reactive to direct sunlight which makes this space suit mandatory.

4. Busy Board of Directors

CPH or The number of calls per hour ratio is very high in case of this category people. The headset connected to the phone serves dual purpose of hearing high volume death metal music and attending calls from other Board of Directors thereby giving them a complete isolation from the material unimportant things happening in the road .

5. Einstein Mechanics

Einstein Mechanics are a group of people who defy the laws of physics and travel in speeds nearing the speed of light. They also have remodeled Yamaha bikes which emit noises in the Threshold of Pain level . More than half of their population comprises of Mechanics who sit away from the centre of gravity of the seat just like our friend ‘Murugan’ in Kaadhal . Hence the name .

6. Share auto Samurais

They are deadly assassins trained highly in controlling the speed of the vehicle. Bugatti Veyron may give 0-60 in just 2.5 secs but when it comes to 60-30 and 30-60 back again these guys are the best in the world. Thanks to the Reflex Action training certification from the FBI, they can immediately stop and start when they smell a potential customer.

7. Members of the Mobile Meditation Squad

Meditating while driving requires high expertise and should not be tried out by General Public . The members in this squad are usually seen driving M80 or a TVS XL Super on ECR and OMR. Maximum speeds reach 40 kmph and are seen to be driving 90% of the time in the centre of the road. Don’t let their looks fool you . They maybe wearing teal coloured half helmets from the 90’s but still can you meditate while you drive?

8. Greenpeace sanctioned Water Lorries

People may refer them as Yamavaahana or Killing machines or whatever but Metro Water Lorry Drivers are really VIP members of the Greenpeace Org. They take very good care of the water resource and make sure that not a single drop of water is wasted on the road. The watertight containers from James Cameron’s Titanic Set ensures the water wastage is kept at a check.

9. Lovers at the 2.4578th  Base

Divine Love or ‘Theiveegal Kaadhal’ knows no bounds . They are actually highly trained professionals who travel in bike with almost a vacuum formed between their bodies. And what else , they can easily reach 2.4578th base while driving a bike in a road as public as Pamela Anderson. Call it Juggling Skills or Motor Skills these guys are true pros.

10. ‘Pico’ Car Owners.

Forget about the nano , the pico is here.  Much smaller and cheaper version of the nano which looks EXACTLY the same as any bike but can hold upto 4 people. All those years in Gemini circus made them masters in balancing acts . A trained man can drive his pico with himself, his plump wife who weighs >80 kgs , his two children who are now in 8th and 6th standard respectively.

Ending on a great note about a page i saw in facebook , ” I`m From Chennai. That Automatically Makes Me Ten Times Cooler Than You !”


Overheard at the Elevator a.k.a Liftla Ottu Kettadhu

February 5, 2010 11 comments

I have seen many people writing about things they overheard at the elevator . Everytime i used to think these are written just to grab attention and nothing good can be overheard from a elevator. But seriously if there is one interesting place at work , it has to be the elevator . Just a few months into I.T, i have started loving the Elevator travel . It is a place where you can hear about anything and everything . Sports , Politics, Kisu Kisu , Movie Climaxes, Evan Evala sight adikkaaran adhu ithunnu motha ulaga nadappugal ellam therinjikkalaam. But it is not technically overhearing when you do it on a elevator . In that small space whatever you speak , even in your lightest whisper can be heard by others as though they hear it from a Bose Amp .

I have noted one thing about people entering the ‘lift’ . They come in , take a nice look at everybody in it mostly to assess the people inside if the left were to get stuck  . Possible a head count and then either start looking at the fan or read the ‘Instructions to follow incase of emergency’ for the umpteenth time . Idhu oru comedy nna next comedy people speaking in phones inside lifts . Giggling girls talking as soft as they can in the phone, thinking nobody can hear. Not knowing the fact that the boyfriend on the other side is audible too. “Saaptiya” “Illa pa, inikku work irukku” ” Hmmm Apparam” .

One more interesting group of people is a bunch of boys and a girl who get down at different floors. One boy keeps talking nonsense with the girl ignoring his sagaas along side. And antha ponnu erangi lift edutha odane avan friends avana paathu vidra look irukke . Appappa.  Other set of people are the self smilers. Get in Lift -> Take Mobile Phone -> Check Message -> Smile.

Finally the languages that you hear in a lift . Tamil , Telugu , Kannada, Hindi , Economic Times English, I am one grade higher than you English, Boy Girl English , Girl Girl english and most important TANGLISH

“Indian English is a recognized form of English”  said one of my soft skills faculty in a training session . I thought she was exaggerating the fact . But Wiki has a biiig article on Indian English . Eventhough Indian English has attained global popularity i must say Tamilian English has a class of its own. Ippo edhukku idha solrennu paakkareengala .  Wait, I “Overheard” a conv at the elevator today .

Girl: You are coming to the canteen no ?

Boy :Illa Illa. my Lead you know no . Athaan, Hema Parthasarathy . Semma strictu . 5 mins i come late , she makes me sit half hour extra in evening.

Girl: Oh, actually my lead was like that only . Now she is not like that . What to say…Kind of lenient .

Boy: Really? Lucky Yaar. You are staying in OMR only ?

Girl: Ya Ya. Behind that Varasakthi Vinaayagar temple.

Boy: Oh okay . My floor came . Well meet in the evening Okaya?

Lifts can be places of potential information exchange and fun . So next time you go in a lift , don’t forget to overhear 😀