Finding tamil girls here is like finding water in a desert and befriending them is far more difficult as most of them already have a heavy God Complex. But my world was about to change when she came and sat in the chair before me at a presentation.

Initially i didnt know she was tamil. Hell i didnt even look at her while she sat down. But the moment i hear her ask  ’Seekaramave Vandhuttiya” i was taken aback. She was talking with a friend in tamil and i couldn’t get a good glimpse of her. I was thinking how could i have missed a Tamil girl from my batch as they were only a handful. Then i reeled back in to notice that she actually looked pretty good. Higher than usual height, well preserved long hair and most importanly she was wearing a full formal suit. I could only see 3/4ths of her face but that smile was angelic. I saw her face fully when she turned back to give the sign-in sheet to me. Wheatish brown complexion, Kajal filled eyes, perfect set of teeth she was definitely an 8.

I was very happy as she was the only thing which interested me in that shitty presentation. I was waiting for the presenter to pass some more sheets of paper so that she’ll turn and give me and i can look at her eyes once again. Her sitting posture, the way she talked to the girl beside her, everything was so poetic. I was determined to talk with her after the presentation gets over. I was even thinking of Ice breakers. Everything from ‘Neenga Tamila’ , ‘Ivanellam present panlennu yaar azhudha’ to ‘Adutha maasamllam temperature -15 -20 poidum pola irukke’ was running in my mind. And while i was thinking about all these, something happened. She had reached her pocket to get something and something fell out of it. She was turning around looking for it. I was happy that i got to see her again. I looked for the thing which she was searching but i couldnt find it in front of me so i went back concentrating on her. And then my friend sitting next to me seemed to have located it and gave it to her. She turned back with a smile. Eventhough brief, it “lit up” the room.

I murmured into his ears ”Dei enkitta kudithirukkalaamla, naan kuduthiruppene. Cha. Ennathu, Pen a? ” He replied with a kevalamaana look “Aaannn. Lighter da“.

It did lit up the room.

180 turned out to be a treat for the eyes right from the beginning. There was a striking difference in the visuals. Be it the outdoor shots or the close ups, everything had a pleasant feel attached to it. Songs were pitched in the right situations and in well spaced intervals. Siddarth has done absolute justice to his role and i cannot think of an alternative who could have replaced him. Nithya Menon’s expressions were cute at times and her innocent acting skills are worth a mention. The first half of the movie was thoroughly enjoyable and moved jet fast. Its true that you’ll get the feeling that there cannot possibly be a guy who keeps helping others as a prime time job, who has a cute girl running after him whom he keeps ignoring, who is wealthy smart and down-to-earth. And that its all the same filmy fantasy crap; wait till you see the end of the movie.

Priya! Priya is a goddess and walks around wearing gorgeous outfits throughout the movie. Seriously, the costume department of the movie must have worked extra time to make them perfect. There was however a little bit of overacting at times, but it can be forgiven for her looks. Switching back and forth between between Chennai and San Francisco, between past and present was done smooth. Editing – 10 points. Sharreth has done a good job with the music and “Nee Korinaal” was the icing on the cake.  The song’s concept, music and visuals will definitely leave a trail in your mind.  All was well until that thing happened. Apparantly the movie has a big twist in the tale and thats the whole point of the story. It got a little bit sloggy towards the end of the movie. That 15-20 mins before the climax was a real pain to watch. Here’s a graph that explains the progress of the movie .

But the climax makes up for all of it. While you walk out of the theater you’ll definitely feel different. In a good way. The movie doesn’t look like the debut movie of the director. It shows class, shows experience and shows the faith that he had on the cast. 180 has the potential to attract people of all age groups. But there were huge crowds of Teen Girls at the theater. Siddarth has his strongholds.  On a whole 180 is a great effort which should be applauded.

And ya before i forget, the name 180 is the ultimate essence of the movie. Remove your geek caps, its not just the area of triangle and so triangle love story thing. It has a deeper meaning which you’ll get to know when you see the movie.

At this point i wasn’t expecting a reply incase it was actually a wrong message. Or was expecting some rage reply from the guy . Anything but certainly not this.

Ha. Now i was sure that it was one of my friends. If the ‘Hoy‘ and ‘Athimber‘ Iyer Bashai wasn’t enough, the name Priya was a big let down. It is the most commonest name in Tamil Girldom. ‘Idiot cant even think of a better name’ i thought to myself. I was fully into the mood by this time. We discussed among us and came into conclusion for the next reply. Then it went….

The next reply was a lame one. We were puzzled. We were thinking of the remote possibility that it might actually be some Iyer Aathu Priya. Then we came back to our senses. ‘Evano namma kooda vilayadran’ ‘Vida koodathu‘.

We were ROFLMAO ing by now. Whoever is doing this must be very good in timing i thought. We were 99% sure that it was a prank. Coz

1. Nobody talks like that on messages

2. If at all it is a girl, she should have figured that i am not her athimber by now with the crap I am talking

3. Who changes number when they go to trichy?

So i was thinking of sending a strong brahmastra to bring the guy to his knees. Then i sent …Okay.. I was a little freaked out now seeing that reply. No one can be this lame. And i dont have time for pranks. So i called the number. I was expecting a ‘Machi‘ or a group of guys laughing or even a ‘Unakku Piriya kekkutha, Piriya‘ … But it was a GIRL who said Hello and then it went ‘Aaan, Sollunga Athimber‘. It.was.a.GIRLLL.

I had no idea what to do. I was yelling hello, hello just to find out whether it was still a prank and if the girl started laughing. Nothing happened. I thought she would figure out from my voice that i am not her athimber. That didnt happen either. She was repeating the same thing. *Beeep* . There.. I hung up. And Vignesh and Senthil were laughing uncontrollably looking at my facial expression. Many things such as Police, Cyber Crime, Eve Teasing were running in my head. Then i thought ‘Thoo, ithu sappa matter da. Not worth eve teasing‘ . Now my 99 % of Prank call chance went to below 1 %. Okay one last message i thought and sent.

That is the funniest sms conversation i’ve ever had in my life. I can never forget Priya, her athimber who strangely has the same mobile number as me and most importantly Guhados Periyappa who went on a tour to trichy with someone to visit Perumaal.

I started early from office today. 6:30. Its Friday i was happy and wasnt in a hasty mood at all. So i was driving at a less than regular speed at the OMR , the road on which my office is located. There wasnt much traffic and everything was smooth until a Police Constable blocked me and waved me to the side. I had just crossed a signal and was driving at 30 kmph max. So i wasnt sure why i was stopped at the first place. After all the usual licence, RC Book, Insurance Drama  the constable told SIGNAL JUMP. I was and am 200 % confident that i saw green lights before passing. I tried to tell the same to the SI and he told “Engalallam paatha unakku kena paya maari theriyutha”. He wrote two receipts from two booklets and asked me to sign. The fine was Rs.300. After fighting for 10 mins, After knowing that nothing can be done,  i gave the money and drove off. There, this is what happened. But there are certain things which heavily disturb me from this incident.

1. The constables always catch the people who seem to slow down after they wave at you. There were a couple of guys driving alongside me who raced off seeing the police. He didnt even turn back or make any steps to stop the speeding guys.

2. In the short 15 mins for which i was standing there i noted one thing. THEY CATCH TWO GUYS FOR EVERY SIGNAL CHANGE. Every time the signal drops off they try to stop the last 5 bikes irrespective whether they come clean or jump the signal. Out of which they succeed in stopping 2-3 bikes.

3. The signal in OMR in which i was caught, drops once in 90 seconds. i.e Green stays for 90 secs and changes to Red which also stays for 90 seconds. In that case they catch 2 guys every 180 seconds. 300 X 2 = 600 for every 3 mins. Just calculate the collection for 1 hour.

4. All this crap happens only after 25th of a month. Is the traffic police paid to work only after 25th ? I have not seen a single cop in OMR for the past 20 days. They seem to spawn after 25th. Checkposts, Speed Guns, Patrol. All after 25th.

5. When i looked at the people who were standing beside me to pay fine, i saw all IT guys. Yes, OMR is the IT corridor. But still bunch of guys with visible ID cards on the belt and a black liviya bag on the shoulder is definitely disturbing. Two fellows who paid before didnt even ask a thing! 300. No questions asked.

6. The Best part of this whole series is what i realized after coming home. Lets look at the receipts i got.

There’s no official seal or any name of any department, anything at all in the first sheet! I have heard before that Police have been accused of printing their own receipt books, this may be it. Thats okay, the main thing is the set of offences listed in the back of the sheet. Lookie look. Signal Violation. U/s 177. Rs.50!!! Dei entha oor gnayam da ithu. Cheating mela Cheating.

Look at the next receipt, he seems to have scribbled an offense code on it. On careful examination i found out that he had wrote U/s 183(2) Whattay genius. Thats the code for overspeeding and yes it costs Rs.300! So its all pre planned. Catch a bunch of guys on an evening. Get extra money. Kick start the new month with a celebration ?

All right this is the result of my ignorance. Let this 300 be an investment. Now that i know the fines and their cheap tactics I am going to do one thing. JUMP EVERY SIGNAL POSSIBLE. Mostly jump the same signal and try to get caught by the same set of clowns. Wait till he writes everything and show this list of offences and fines to him. Or even better, jump the signal, speed off and flip the constable.  Traffic Police will keep preying on the people who obey rules as they are the most vulnerable group of them all. This should be stopped. At whatever expense.

A Signal Jumper is born.

Let’s not talk about the usual stuff like ‘Should look beautiful’ ‘Sensible, loving, caring’ and non-specialized generic crap. It’s already there in the list. Top of the list truth be told. But apart from this there are many other things. I want her to know movies. About 90% understanding of the ‘Inception’. I want her to know what IMDB means. Who Eric Bana is. Who Grace Kelly is. What is Vijay’s next movie. Who is directing Billa 2. I want her to know Music. Not just Michael Jackson and the Backstreet Boys. Certainly not Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber either. I want her to know TV. I want her to know about Charlie Sheen. I want her to know that he is staying with ‘goddesses’ now. I want her to know technology. What changed in iPad2. Who the hell are Sergey Brin and Larry Page. I want her to know Games. About the latest version of Call of Duty. About the Kinect and the Move. I want her to have a twitter account. Not the ones with just one tweet sayin ‘Hello World’. I want her to have her own photo in her Facebook page. Not Surya/Jothika or Perfectly photographed American Babies and Japanese Dogs. I want her to know her way around the web. About xkcd, Internet Memes.  I want her to have a blog. I want her to write. Be it anything. Be it nonsensical daily dairy stuff or the effect of global warming on Dolphin population. I want her to know what’s happening in the world. Who Assange is. What happened in Egypt and Libya. Most importantly I want her to know what’s happening in India. About the 2G Scam. About Radia, Raja and Kalmadi. About local matters. No. of Seats given to Gaptun. About TRs Kural TV Webcasts and Suppress, Oppress, Depress.

This doesn’t mean that I want her to cut her hair short and wear only Shirts/Pants all the time and ‘dude’ all the guys around with a Vinu Chakravarthy voice. I want her to do girly stuff. I want her to say ‘cute’ while looking at stray puppies. I want her to type messages in the phone with the dictionary off. I can live with the occasional ‘ma’ for ‘my’ and ‘lyf’ for ‘life’. Strictly occasional. I want her to speak in English when she gets angry. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want her to speak tamil. I want her to speak tamil primarily. I want her to know the meaning of swear words in tamil. I want her to read atleast Vikatan and Kumudham if not Ponniyin Selvan and Kolayudhir Kaalam. I want her to have a lot of friends. Definitely a few guy friends. I want her to have an opinion. Certainly not on Everything. But for the things that matter. And I want her opinion to differ from mine. Not always, but more often.

Reading the post now makes me certain of one thing. This girl is hypothetical. Not Real. Even if she exists, 1000 Rupees say that she is already taken. So why all this polambal? Doesn’t this break the universal law of love which states that love shouldn’t come by seeing any material things? Kandathum Kaadhal, Blind love and all. Maybe Yes. Maybe this is too much to look for in a girl, maybe this is too less. Maybe these are not at all the things to look in a girl.  But still, these are the optimal conditions. Best Case Scenarios. It’s totally fine if few of these are missing in her. Seriously, If she satisfies everything in the list then what the hell am I for? What will we talk about if she already knew everything that I am possibly gonna talk about? No guy wants to date his own feminine self.

I like to finish off by telling about a friend of mine who applies to LBS every even Semester. He just applies to LBS every 2 semesters. Just for the fact that if at all some college should reject him it must be a Gethu one. Maybe I am doing that. Setting the bar high so that I can whine about the bar being high and not about my inability to vault over it. Like giving myself an ‘Intha Pazham pulikkum’ sort of an explanation. So what can you do now? If you reading this and you are a girl who seem to have most of the aforementioned deeds: “Hi, I am Pradep. I Studied at CEG. Currently in TCS. DM me @pradepkumar. Maybe we’ll have a Cup of Coffee over the weekend?” Or, If you happen to know a girl who falls under these categories you know how to reach me.

P.S: The idea of this post was originally taken from this one. It’s a good one, read it too. And No, the post was not written when I was high.

Sun Music came out of the Sun TV garage and promised to capture audience by playing user requested songs through VJs or Video Jockeys. It was already a hugely popular concept in the North. In the beginning there were only a handful of VJs. They looked good, spoke reasonable good and all (remember Sandhya?). But as the days went by the only qualification of a VJ apparently had become a tight tshirt and colored hair. Enough . We are done with the Introduction part now. Moving to the important points.

The main reason of this post is not to advertise about Sun Music or comment about VJs . It is about the small footer SMSes which people keep on sending to Sun Music for some reason which i haven’t figured out yet. Everytime i switch to Sun Music there will definitely be a cracker of an SMS in 2 -3 mins. These SMS cost 3 rupees out of which i am sure the Lion’s share goes to SUN music. I even think SM pays their VJs with this SMS Money. I can understand the occasional “X: I Love You Y” SMSes. It may strongly represent the fact that the guy is ready to waste 3 rupees to grab her attention,make her happy and announce their love to the world. But certain SMSes are disturbing. If you still didn’t get what i am talking about, check out the screenshots below.

Now Let us see a few of those aforementioned SMSes which frequent SUN Music. Note: All Names have been changed to protect the identity of the douche bags.

1.”Daisy: I Love Sun Music”
No, you are not going to get a job at SUN Music just by saying that. And i don’t think the VJ guy in Burma Bazaar Jeans wont be interested in you by seeing it either.

2.”Kumar: Hi Guys”
Seriously, are you that much bored child ? 3 Rupees may not be a big money in general. By it is huge as far as Talk Time is concerned! You must be either too popular or too rich. And just to clarify these guys are not mostly first timers. They are Regulars mostly. Wake Up -> Brush -> Send Random “Hi Guys” in Sun Music -> …. And it goes on.

3. “Ramesh: This song is dedicated to all Sun Music Fans”
Gee thanks a lot for the dedication Ramesh. We wont forget you till death !

4. “Naren: Hi Pondatti”
This in NOT a fake. Ive seen it quite a lot of times. Maybe this guy Naren had a fight with his wife in the morning over Rock Hard Idlis and Awful smelling Chutney. And what does he do ? He sits in Office and messages to SUN Music, then calls up his ‘Pondatti’ and goes ‘Hey Sun Music Paru. Odane Paru’.

5. “This song for all Thala Fans. By Mandhaveli Terror Boys”
Terror Boys, Lightning Boys, Tiger Boys; seriously we expect something better from you guys. Think hard harder . Coz “Mandhaveli Terror Boys” doesn’t sound that terrifying at all.

6. “Hai: Guys”
This is a typical example where the sender is not even ready to send his name along. I am sure Mr.Hai there is flooded with a lot of calls after this.

I might have missed a lot (including the one-of-a-kind marriage wish shown in the screenshot), but still these are the primary ones. Sun Music will continue this SMS service as long as there are great thinkers like these guys who use it. Vaazhga Sun Music, Valarga Nam Makkal.

P.S: I know that the Title has nothing to do with the Post. But i just love the Anatomy of a Murder Poster

Editor: Did you just say that you couldn’t find News?

Aahh. Yes.

Come, walk with me.

Okay.

Hear Hear Boy. We aren’t running a Newspaper to report Quality News from around the world so that many people can benefit from it. We are running a TABLOID for God’s sakes. How the hell can you run outta news ? Now Listen…

Editor: Weren’t there any raunchy photoshoots of any actress?

Junior Editor: No

Any one joined the PETA?

No

Any wannabe actor got some new tatoo on his back ?

Nopers.

What the he.. Nopers? Don’t do that again. You know i hate gay people.

Sorry Sir.

Moving Forward….No Marriages happenin around?

No

What about Divorces?

We covered ‘em last week

Last Week ? No one has applied for divorce in a whole fuckin week ?

I am afraid no sir

Not even celebrity crushes ? No teen celeb revealed her crush and all ?

Ah . No.

Any new preggos ?

No go.

What about the paparazzi ? Any singer on vacation in Hawaii, Bahamas ? Sun bathing? Water Skiing ? Hanging out with Presidents and Tennis Stars ? Anyyything ?

No No No

Did they close down the whole of Hollywood and send everyone to castrate sheep in Montana ?

Wow is that so ?

Ahh. God. Kill me right now.



Junior Editor 2: Sir Sir.

Editor: Yes

See if this photo is Okay. For our first page.

Hmmm. Well too much exposure.

Exposure ? But Sir, the photo of Megan Fox last week was more exposing.

Whatt? Not that Exposure idiot . The photo exposure. The thing to do with too much of light. Understand now ? Photoshop this crap and put it up . You actually thought i was worried about some extra skin show? And i thought you were the intelligent of the lot.



Editor: Shew. Did you get any news now ?

Junior Editor 1 : Me ? Now ? How ? I am standing right here.

Editor: Ya keep standing, Keep sitting in your ass all day and finally tell me that you don’t have news.Great .

Editor: Leave all these. Didnt any, by any i mean Hollywood, Kollywood, Bollywood, any actress release any statement about sex in a whole damn week ?

Hmmm we had a close shot at it. But didn’t work out.

Editor: Talking about close shot, where the hell is the photographer who we paid to take photos of random chicks at parties?

Junior Editor 1: He didn’t turn up yet. Must be hungover from last night’s party i guess.

Editor: I haven’t seen him in weeks!!

Well thats what you pay him for. You know i initially applied for that job. But…

Shut the hell up before i kill you. Locate him, dealcoholize him and bring him here.



Editor: Btw aren’t there any news in Celebrity Gossip, celebuzz, E! , Huffington Post which we can use ?

Junior Editor:You mean to lift news?

Who are you, the FBI ?

I’ll Check ‘em out Sir.

Didnt that Steve Jobs guy invent something new ?

They are covering that news in the Main paper.

Main paper my ass. How the hell do those people get the news always and you keep whining like a little girl ?

Sir, i just got an idea. Can we do a cover story on Jabulani ?



Editor: There’s my boy!! Get a big, high def picture of her. Preferably less clothes. If there’s no such picture, get any of her pic to that graphic designer guy in 6th floor. I heard he is an expert in ‘altering’ clothes in photos. Get it done. Put a 5×7 picture of her accompanied by some crap news. Tell that she is going to act in the next Harry Potter movie or is currently dating Robert Pattinson or some shit. We don’t have much time. Chop Chop. I have a meeting now. Will see you later.

Junior Editor: Sir Sir. But its the World Cup Ball.

Editor: What ? Ya ya . Tell her she likes the world cup and she has a crush on ….. lets say…Cristiano Ronaldo and I don’t care if she has balls. You try to grow a pair if possible. See ya.

Kanagu: Ya Ya. Athe than. Shew, atleast we are in the same branch.

Arun: Ya da. College a ye kalakkina maari , office a yum kalakkanum.

Kanagu: Enna kalakkalo. Neeyavathu color colora program llam poduva. Enakku therinja ore program ‘Hello World’ thane

Arun: Dei, athellam mattere illa da. And did you check out that orkut community of our new joinee batch.

Kanagu: Kanna, orkut llam school pasanga use panrathu. I am currently only on Facebook, Twitter, Buzz you know.

Arun: Adangu da. But paravala girls use panrathu Orkut thaane. Twitterla high levela irukkarthellam onnu PSBB, illa MOP. Seri, I checked the community. Believe me, Egapatta figures da. Perellam paathale ponnu azhaga irukkumnu thonuthu.

Kanagu: Athaane paathen. I thought you went to the community to gather info about training and all. And appadi ennada pera paatha.

Arun: Archana Nair, Sulaba Malhotra, Kamini Iyer nnu ennanennavo perunga machi. Ithanaila onnu rendu koodava nalla irukkathu?

Kanagu: Kaalam bathil sollum da . Badhil Sollum. But I have a doubt. 14 years of Coed School, 4 years of Engg coll life, ithula correct pannatha ponnaya ippo correct panna pora ?

Arun: Ha Ha. I was expecting you would ask this question. You see, school la college lla llam girls will be bound by many restrictions da. When you start working, you earn.. So ponnungellam independent a think panna aarambichiduvaanga. And that is our big advantage. So, office la aal pudikkarthu Can-Can.

Kanagu: Huh. The one thing I like about you is the way you justify your inability to get a girl with some high school nonsense. Ennavo machi kudiyum kudithanamuma aana santhosham thaan.

Arun: Hmmm, you still seem skeptical. Machi ill tell you what is waiting for us in office. In case you have a good looking girl in your team or in the neighboring team, chances of you and her talking alone are very high.

For instance you’ll have tasks to be done together, you both will meet in the elevator like a million times, you’ll have lots of team lunches, team building crap sessions, outing, late night works close to deadlines, cab drops incase of those late night works, a thousand official phone calls out of which a few can be turned personal and moreover she’ll have doubts which you may solve and vice versa too. Ippo sollu machi, ivlo vaippu kudutha nee goal poda maata ?

Kanagu: Yappa ! Dei naan mattum goal pottennu vechikoyen unakku treat machi.

[ One year later]

Kanagu: Dei I was transferring data from my old phone to new. Look what I found. It is a phone conversation we had about an year ago. Appo etho thonichennu record pannen. Inikku kaalaila fulla atha kettu semma sirippu.

Arun: Dei we had lots of conversations. Which one ?

Kanagu:  [pressin play button in the phone] This one.

For instance you’ll have tasks to be done together, you both will….

Arun: HA HA.

Kanagu: Eppadiyellam emanthirukkom. Naama pesina antha stereo type azhagaana ponnukku already 6 adi oyarathula, semma bodyoda, sekka sevelnu oru boyfriend iruppanra mattera naama yosikkave illala.

Arun: Vidra Vidra. Trisha kedaikkalenna Divya. 2^nd floor la, delivery team kku pudhusa vanthirukkara  fresher group la oru ponnu takkara irukkan. Patchi sollichu. Unakku than antha team antha Anand a  theriyumla, va va va va. Seekaram va.

Men will be men.

Padhin Kavanagam for Dummies

Padhin Kavanagam is the art of doing 10 different things SIMULTANEOUSLY, as told by my Tamil teacher in the 8th Grade. ‘Dasavadhani’  is the Vada Naattu name to denote a person who is capable of the same. Ever since i heard that, i thought to myself these are all highly overrated concepts and not at all possible at least in our world. Let alone Munis and Rishis and all heavenly figures in sexy clothing. I was pretty sure these are all to-be-extinct tamil words.

All these thought until i saw it with my own eyes. That too in Chennai, in the ever crowded Mount Road. He did not look like a saint. He did not have big beards. He did not have thandai and kamandalam. He did have a latti and thoppi. He didn’t wear Kaavi, he sported Kaakhi. No prizes for guessing. It’s the traffic police inspector. Here’s Padhinkavanagam explained with examples for Dummies’ sake.

1. Keeping an eye for a Potentially Mamooling Vehicle. Yamaha R15 or Royal Enfield Thunderbird driven by 19 year old guys with French beards and Liverpool jerseys are like marinated chicken pieces ready to be fried. Always on the look out for easy cash.

2. Blocking the already madakkufied vehicle in such a way that he doesn’t take off without paying the ‘fine’. Mostly involves the easy way – removing the vehicle key or sometimes the hard way – standing right in front of the vehicle with one leg on the front tyre. All those months of training in the Training Academy pays off now.

3. Checking the Driving License of the Madakkufyee . No need to get into details like seeing whether the face matches, doubts about whether he was fully dressed while the PP photo was taken and all. Coz, it was one of them who granted those wonderful licenses. Paambin Kaal Paambariyum.

4. There is no big scope in Licenses nowadays. But big booty lies in the Vehicle insurance section. A quick check whether the date of the insurance has expired always ensures that there’ll be no regrets afterwards.

5. Nobody just surrenders without a fight or a pleading. Ranging from ‘Sir engappa yaaru theriyuma’ to ‘Sir intha thadava vitrunga sir. Please office kku time aachu’ and even to ‘Inthaanga engappa line la irukkaru, pesunga’ . So gotta be ready to talk out and take out cash  in any of these situations. One of my all time favorite small talk from a Traffic Policeman is ‘Ithellam enga pocketukku illa. Governmentkku. Paaru Billellam podren. Correct a amount kooda ezhutharen paaru’. Bill booka print panrathe ivanga thaan. Hmph.

6. While the talk is going on, billing goes on parallely. “Deenadayalan , 200 rooba , overspeed. Intha pa . Inga oru kayezhuthu podu. Inga katna 200 rooba . Courtukku pona 1000 rooba . Epdi vasathi?”

7. While all these things are happening, a sad lonely walkie talkie is shouting with all its might in his belt strap. It’ll look like they dont seem to listen to what it says. But a subconscious part of the brain is always gathering information from the call, a chennai map materializing inside his head. If that processes any words like “Accident, 2 wheeler, and any place which is 5 km from where he is standing”, then he must hurry. Accidents mean big cash. And early bird gets the worm.

8.  Checking on the Constable is another threaded process. Traffic SI or Inspectors don’t ‘catch’ cases technically. Some brave constable men run into the middle of the road, scare the guy on the bike to death and then take him to the SI . So there is a high possibility that the constable may himself pocket some side amount. Constable check is very important as it splits valuable cash.

9. Amount check is the important of all. ” Antha white color field marshall bike irukulla, athula petrol tank pouch la amount a vechittu poidunga. Naan kaila vaangarthe illa” maybe easy to say. But those intense moments when he walks to the bike and keeps the cash are too important. Afterall it was a result of a hard day’s work.

10. Standing in the roads at noon time in Chennai itself is a big achievement. So they refresh themselves by sipping onto Elaneer/Karumbu Juice/Cool Drink most of the times. The refreshments are provided free of cost by the nearby shop keepers out of their respect towards traffic police men.

This 10 item cycle goes on and on and on, till the collection for the day had reached the desired threshold value. So thinking about the fact that CCTP Inspectors are capable of super human feats, makes me feel proud. Really Proud to trod among these Padhin Kavanaga Kaavalaalis.

Please note: The Post is intended only against corrupt traffic policemen. The remaining 2.4578 % Traffic Police can safely ignore the post.

1. The Yellow Graduation Gown – You have missed a lifetime opportunity of taking pictures sporting a Briiiight Yellow Grad Gown. The adventure of wearing it and running around the campus is nothing when compared to the big fight which happened while getting and returning it. (Cost: INR 150 of which 100 is a Safety Deposit)

2. The Report of the Academic Year – The report was read by some unknown gentleman in the stage. Apparently nothing was told about the graduates or the no_of_graduates graduating this year. Was more like a Annual Budget of Unnecessary machinery bought, which is sure to get extinct in the next 5 years. The only figures on campus were the ones in this speech. Lakhs and Crores of them.

3. Love tips by Mr.A.Raja – The chief guest of the evening was Mr.A.Raja Hon. Cabinet Minister for Communications and IT. The speech given was filled with quotations and citations of great leaders. Annadurai, G.B.Shaw, Ambedkar, Tholkappian, Newton all under one roof. Also had some of his own compilation on figure-chasing and kavithai-writing. The most important part was his seamless translation between English and Tamil. Major Sundarajan would have been proud if he had heard him speak.

4.  VC’s English – ‘Aai rekquezzt all aap of you to stand ub faar inbokasion. ‘ said our VC when the program started. Throughout the program, there were many such astonishing sentences which he spoke to the gathering . He is indeed, fit for the job.

5. Oath of Supremacy - Before the program got over, we were asked to stand up and take a Oath . The oath mainly consisted of something that should be kadaipidichifyed in order to uphold the pride of the institution. About something to be done to the society. Blah Blah. To sum it all up it was an oath which meant ” I will not tell anything about CEG and the things which happen in the inside to a prospective student. I will say all nice and cool things about the college to the people at work and maintain the gethu of the institution”

But jokes apart you have really missed the sheer joy of being with friends together, of falling in love with the Campus the 1000th time over, of passing comments about the speaker when a speech is going on, of taking pictures at spots you wouldn’t have looked twice during your first three years, of sitting in places in the campus where you had sat a million times before,  of the fact that eventhough you had seen the big sign at the entrance saying “Graduation Day” for four full years you had never felt proud about it till you saw it on that day, of contempt seeing that there are no new figures for the juniors to sight on, of standing up when the name of the department topper’s name is read out on stage, of samalichifying by saying “Inga okkanthu koothadikkara sogam , stage poi vaangina varuma” , of the “Machaan” you hear from someone whom you last spoke to some 10 to 11 months before, of pissing in the red building toilet and finding out that NOTHING has changed in the last year and your olfactory system is as clean as a whistle and finally the joy of holding a laminated A4 sheet which is the result of the 18 year long (No, PRE KG isnt a struggle) educational battle which you had fought.

P.S. I had missed out a list of takeaways which were given in the venue.

• Ribbon Murukku – 1 Packet. approx. 150 grams (Grand Sweets)
• Milk Sweet which looked a lot like Laddu – 3 Nos (Grand Sweets)
• Degree Certificate – 1 No. With your smart card photo on it which everyone WILL make fun of for sure.